The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
