i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
