she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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