some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
