they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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