I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
