Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
