Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
