I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
