Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
