I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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