Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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