So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I want a musical about memes.
A bitchslap is in order.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
