Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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