I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
