Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
