genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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