trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
