well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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