so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
