yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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