I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
