the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
