just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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