ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
