Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
