apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
