I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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