So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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