dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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