My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
