you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
