i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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