Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
