Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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