I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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