Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
