Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
