i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
