Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im holly from the hills drunk
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
