i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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