she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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