You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
