My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
