Can i not drive my cunt home
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
