Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
