Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
