he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He shit in the fireplace
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
