My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
