i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
