He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
