I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
