I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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