I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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