I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
