u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
