so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
